There are a number of things we can do that can easily kill community and the books of Proverbs and it's modern counterpart James (often called the proverbs of the New Testament) have some helpful reminders about dealing with the deep relationships of faith:
Loose lips - Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler. Prov 20:19
Christian community is often about dealing with the gritty mess of life: hurting marriages, tough to overcome sin and the results of past hurts. We need to create the environment where we know that whatever we say will go no further than the group. Confidentiality is a key characteristic of healthy community and it creates the environment where we can share our struggles and find comfort, prayer and hope through those that Jesus has put around us. Loose lips make people withdraw and it makes them internalise their pain rather than find restoration through the ministry of others. If there are those in your group who find it hard to keep confidence the leader needs to walk closely with them and disciple them, to ignore such issues will be to the detriment of the group.
Stinginess - Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honours him - Prov 14:31
Acts 2 reminds us that in the early church they gave to each other as there was need. And we too need to learn to imitate that behaviour. It is part of the work of the Spirit in our hearts that makes us hold loosely to our possessions, our time and our gifts that God has given us. We serve God by being generous to each other and genuine community is about opening up our homes and our hearts to those who follow Jesus with us. It is easy to talk the talk, but much harder to walk the walk and genuine community is prepared to walk the extra mile to make a difference.
Pride - One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honour - Prov 29:23
When we're proud and self righteous it makes us unapproachable and it makes it tough to live out faith together. We're reminded in James to "confess our sins to each other" and it takes genuine community to allow people to open up, and we need to put our pride aside and be vulnerable. This is important for leaders to be able to acknowledge our weakness and need of Jesus. It becomes a powerful reminder to others that they are in need of Jesus too. There is no place in the heart of a follower of Jesus for pride, and yet it is the one area where we all will struggle at some time or another. Pray that God would give you the humility we need to become the people he calls us to be.
No Accountability - Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy - Prov 28:13
We have to hold each other accountable before God. Cain asked the question 'Am I my brothers keeper' and the answer is that we are. We need to hold each other accountable for following Jesus and being obedient to all that he has commanded (Matt 28) Like any normal family we have a way of living together that can create life or destroy it. I recall a group where we had a guy who was immensely cynical and sarcastic. It was horrible to listen to and hurtful to us all in various ways. We tried to help him be accountable for his behaviour and he refused and eventually left. It was a great sadness but helpful for genuine community to be maintained. Unconfessed sin will quickly consume a community.
No Prayer - The Lord is far from the wicked, but he hears the prayer of the righteous. - Prov 15:29
Prayer is a necessity for genuine community. Praying together draws us into God's presence and it draws us into the unity of the Spirit, putting us onto God's agenda rather than our own. Praying for others in your group, especially those who are hard to work with or who annoy you is the surest way to allow God to soften your heart. God hears our prayer and we should take him seriously at his reminder. Someone in your group straying from Jesus? Pray. Someone struggling to understand biblical truth? Pray. Someone in need of healing? Pray. Prayer is a powerful tool in the hands of a community to keep us close to Jesus and close to each other.
Community is part of God's great witness to the world and we do it best when it is real, spirit-filled, gospel-centred community. It's worth getting this community thing right. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” - John 13:35
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